Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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