Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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