i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
