It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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