She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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