hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
