That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
