a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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