I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
