Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
They have beer where we have blood.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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