its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
