This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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