I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
