RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
