he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
