Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
