I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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