Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
