I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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