we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
