We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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