Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You're my little dorito
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
