I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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