I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
