The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
