My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
