So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
