The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
