Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
