filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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