Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
from now on my penis is your penis
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
