i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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