He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize