I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Send help, water and tortillas.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
