I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
