She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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