She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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