he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
