And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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