Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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