The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
