I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i think i just lost a toe
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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