i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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