you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
