East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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