hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
