I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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