Me. At least after what I've been through.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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