Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
