Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
