she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
