I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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