Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
