How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize