My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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