so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
