I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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