Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i think my cat just said my name.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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