I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
