She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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