its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize